Most people I know understand that I am not happy with my weight, but they may not understand how I've struggled with it my entire life. At graduation I was about 30lbs overweight.
When I went to college I was very active - exercising at school and going out dancing every night. Small meals partially due to not spending the money on food, partially because I just didn't take the time and really didn't need to eat a lot of food. During that time I lost 35lbs - when I went home for my first visit after 3 months I had to buy all new clothes because nothing fit me anymore. I weighed 123lbs. And was really happy with my weight for the first time I can ever remember, I wore a size 8.
After I had my first baby I still was a size 10-12...still active and was still happy with my weight. I was still active and my weight stayed fairly steady- it went up a little but not so much I even really noticed it. But then I had 2 more babies in rapid succession, was no longer active and had to make sure I prepared full meals everyday so that Jeff and the kids were all fed. And if they were fed - so was I.
It's never been what I eat - or how much, as much as the fact I don't get enough exercise. I friend of mine who is also overweight went to lunch with me at a former job. Finally one day she looked at me and told me she was throwing me out of the Fat Ladies Club because I had no business being overweight with as little as I actually ate.
Now in the intrest of being honest with myself - and also anyone reading this - I have a terrible sweet tooth. I have convinced myself on more than one occasion that if I'm going to eat 250 calories - it may as well be a snickers bar instead of lunch...or a few cookies have as many calories as a sandwich and are tastier. Or like last night when instead of dinner - I talked Jeff into ice cream. (It was late and it was really yummy ice cream though).
So my 250lb self is now being totally honest and trying to reduce myself. I know it's not going to be easy - I've had way too much stress in my life lately and it's way to easy to just eat a cookie to deal with it instead of go for a walk. But I'm trying.
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